Tsunami's Hungry

A bit of a shorter piece today, and also unplanned – I’m going through a lot of changes in my life, so I wanted to give them some space.

This year has been tough, and without going into much detail it’s sufficient to say that it has asked much more of me than I thought I had, and there were many moments that I didn’t think I could get past.

But equally, the year has been amazing. I’ve found good friends in unexpected places, I’ve met someone I deeply care about, I’ve gotten closer to my family, I went on a lifetime adventure, I wrote lots, I got intoxicated with the freedom of cycling, I proved to myself my ability to pursue my goals, and I got much closer to solving some of my lifelong challenges.

As I look back at the year, the Farsi adage of “Remember those (good) days, remember”¹ seems ever more true. I even find that I see the difficult days in a positive light, recognising them as moments I was able to go through. I am, as always, immensely grateful for all the things in my life that have helped me get to this point, and I will always be doing my best to practice gratefulness even on the most difficult of days.

That said, I find it curious that I’ve recognised a lifelong failure of mine from my successes: I never celebrate them.

It’s curious because I also don’t celebrate my birthday, New Years, or any other holidays.

I thought about this behaviour of mine quite a bit today and I am certain that it is a learnt behaviour². I don’t deny that I have lots of fun, but I think it is fair to say that the fun I have is fairly timid in that it is all in my own head. It may even be fair to say that I’m not comfortable being seen to be having fun.

This is something that I’m changing from now, and will continue to work on going into next year.

I want to take it easy and to let loose when I have the opportunity to… you know like how Alors on Danse makes you feel?

And today, since it’s Celebration Day, I’ll have a burger, and next week I’ll listen to Vomitspit.

1. ياد باد آن روزگاران ياد باد ↩︎
2. In fact one thing to learn from those who suffer most is that they celebrate their wins, no matter how small. ↩︎